Iraqi cleric Ali al Sistani's rejection of the sovereignty plan for Iraq cooked up by the White House is the greatest impediment keeping them from doing what they wish with Iraq.
While the President builds an Iraqi house of matches and fiddles as Baghdad kindles, will he ally with Sistani to hold Iraq together and together build what is possible there and now?
This conversation between President Bush and V.P. Dick Cheney secretly recorded by a television repair person in the Oval Office, settles the question.
"Mr. President, it looks like Grand Ayatollah Ali al Husseini al Sistani is posing a grave and gathering threat to America and the world."
"Can't we buy 'em off? You know, like we do everybody else?"
"It's not about money for this guy. Won't take women either. Abhors drink, barely eats. He's like the pope. We can't find a kink in his armor. Only cares about what's best for his country."
"Man, what a weirdo."
"Think of him as Iraq's George Washington."
"First pres was that weird, huh."
"Won't even talk to us."
"Send Pat Robertson to see'em. He's a man of the cloth."
"Well, ah, the grand ayatollah is a different kind of holy man."
"Boy, they sure do have some strange ideas about religion over there."
"I think Ali al Husseini al Sistani's got a predetermined uprising in mind."
"Alice wants glory does he? He can forget it. Nobody's going to pre George W. Bush out of anything. Got that? I'm the President, and the President doesn't react, he preacts. We may be unpopular foreign occupiers to the people of Iraq, but they love us. Unelected governing bodies appointed by appointed officials may make them fuss, but how else are we going to give them self-determination?"
"Brilliantly put, sir."
"What's it Dick Pearl and D. Frum say in the summary of their recent book? You know, we got to take everybody out who gets in our way?"
"Mr. President, do you mean . . ."
"No, Big Dick. Not everybody. Just our enemies."
"What are you saying, Mr. President?"
"What am I saying?"
"Your cryptic mind has me stymied; although, I await your impeccable orders."
"Why can't we all just get along, Big Dick. Don't they see what I'm tryin' to do for them? Like Jesus, so misunderstood. What those people need is a savior and instead they're worshipping at the feet of a golden calf with a long beard - this Alice guy. We need your buddy Ahmed Chalabi more than ever."
"And ahh . . . Alice?"
"Another grave an' gathering threat is he?"
"I have the secret intelligence, sir."
"Dangerous madman? Dangerous madman who's a really dangerous madman?"
"Saddam revisited, sir."
"Make 'em an offer he can't refuse."
"Oh Mr. President! I've waited my entire professional career to hear that order!"
"Just remember we're on an election schedule."
"I hear and obey."
"Man, but that dangerous madman, Saddam Hussein sure did make a mess of the world."
February 1, 2004